Coping with those Special Family Days

Things you can do for those Special Days

Handling Emotions

• Grief is emotionally, physically and psychologically draining. Try to have enough rest as you need every bit of strength you can get.
• Share your concerns, feelings and apprehensions as the special day approaches with a relative or a friend. Tell them this time is difficult for you and accept any help which is offered. You will appreciate their love and support and the bond it will create.
• Some people fear crying in public, but it is usually better not to push the tears down at any time. Be gentle with yourself and don't expect too much of yourself. Worrying about crying is only an additional burden. If you let go and cry, you will probably feel better. It will not ruin the day for other family members, but will give them the same freedom.

Family Get-Togethers

• Family get-togethers may be extremely difficult. Be honest with each other about your feelings. Sit down with your family and decide what you want to do for the Special Day. Don't set expectations which are too high for you or for the day. If you want things to be 'the same' you are going to be disappointed. Take on only what each family member is able to handle comfortably.
• There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some may want to follow family traditions - others may choose to change them. If may help to do things just a little differently. What you choose to do one year, you don't have to choose for every year.
• Be careful of 'shoulds' - it's better to do what is most helpful for you and your family. If a situation looks particularly difficult, try not to get involved. Follow the dictates of your heart and when people see you are comfortable with that, they will follow your lead.
• If the extra chores at this time are enjoyable - go for it. If all of this is too tiring, take short cuts.
• Set limitations. Realise that it isn't going to be easy. Do the best you can. Do those things which are special or important to you.
• Once the decision is made on how you and your immediate family will handle this special day, let the other relatives and friends know.

Going Forward

• After the first year, the people in your life may expect you to be 'over it'. We are never 'over it', but the experience of many bereaved parents is that eventually they do enjoy these holidays again. Hold on to hope.
• Don't forget, the anticipation of any special day can be so much worse than the actual day.